You guys will not believe how many drafts I have for this blog at the moment. I know it seems like I have forgotten everything but no. I stumbled upon a few difficulties and I don't know how to bounce back from it and continue writing my Chapter 21 series. I just need to settle a lot of things that's going on at the moment and I will refine and publish those drafts. I am quite demotivated because the memories are not that fresh and my feelings and thoughts might not be as raw as my previous posts. I also have trouble putting it into words and into this blog. So it sometimes needs me to be in the right mood for it. Another problem I might encounter is when I am in the mood, I might choose to write my book instead of my blog. So that would delay the whole blog post publishing as well.

Plus, Chapter 21 has not ended yet. I have so many more to say about my journey into being 21 and I am still experiencing it, writing my own path and what not. It is on going. With that, I might be publishing things out of order though the archive would still be in order depending on when it happened and when I started writing them. So ya da ya da ya da. I don't know why I am explaining this to you. Maybe I am so frustrated seeing all these drafts and this long hiatus is KILLING me.

I don't know, I am sure I will get all of this arranged. It's so hard to maintain and commit to something, isn't it?

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Woman, Women, We Mend

Sigh, is this too late for a Woman's Day post? Hope so not. Nothing is too late.

Does my opinions matter when I talk about woman and girls? Because... I'm a woman and... not that my opinions don't matter... (well, sometimes they don't, do they, because I am a woman. *eye roll*) but because I am a woman and I might be bias, won't I? I don't wish you to read this with a gender role so deeply carved in your soul but read this with a different eye. A fresh one.

See, I am amazed and awed by women. My mother for instance, she is amazing! Took care of me, the family, the house and has a job at the same time. Though there are times when being a woman are the reasons behind her weakness, her over reaction, her emotional instability, sometimes even poor judgement but hey, aren't we all entitled to mistakes. And it is not a 'woman thing'. It's a human one, just different reasons. And most times, it is because she is a woman, she does incredible things that nobody understands to how she is able to. People don't call them 'a mother instinct' or 'a woman's sense' for no reason. My mother is the greatest and I bet you can say the same for your mothers.

And then... well I would probably have to talk about some other great woman that I adore like Hedy Lamarr (she. is. so. effing. awesome) by now but I don't think you can relate to it as much as I could given that we have different opinions and come from different backgrounds. So, just look around you and think of a girl or woman you know that you are close to, that you somehow adore. It could be because of how she looks, how she presents herself, how on point her make up is or how effortless she looks without trying. It can also be the way she talks to you, to elderly, in front of a crowd or in public. Or maybe it is because of her abilities to do something you can or cannot do as good or even better than you. Anything at all. And if you can see the good in one person, trust me when I say that everyone deserves to be seen that way. You may not know why those other girls deserves your respect but she does. She deserves everything that she was, is and will be.

So now if by this point you have understood what I meant, I am calling out to all woman. You might not hear this everyday or maybe you heard them but you have never believed that they meant it but girl, you are beautiful. Never ever scope it down to looks because lets be honest, nobody thinks they are pretty enough and even if they do, there must be something they do not like about themselves so why would you want to worry about your flaws and gawked at what others have that you don't? Especially physical beauty. Yes, it is a part of us but not everything about us woman. Focus on how much you have, anything and everything you can do and be proud of that. And when another girl walks by and she has what you don't, make her feel appreciated with compliments because you know how tired it is to be proud of something that nobody sees worthy. At least today you have something else to be proud of, the fact that you make another person feel worthy again. And you do too.

True sexism is still everywhere and I am shocked by every unfortunate encounters but at least when we see ourselves as worthy and shake off all the insecurities, we can be whatever we want and maybe one day they will shut up and just stop because we are stronger than what we let ourselves be now.

I end this with a poem I found on YouTube. I like to watch poetry slams and always feel emotional to performances that has great message or if I can relate to them. I am sharing this one because... well, I don't know, there might be some reasons I got drawn to it but it is unexplainable. Well, technically I can explain it but I don't think I would do this poem justice. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The Type by Sarah Kay

If you grow up the type of women men want to look at
You can let them look at you
Do not mistake eyes for hands
Or windows
Or mirrors
Let them see what a woman looks like
They may have not ever seen one before

If you grow up the type of women men want to touch
You can let them touch you
Sometimes it is not you they are reaching for
Sometimes it is a bottle,
A door
A sandwich
A Pulitzer
Another woman
But their hands found you first
Do not mistake yourself a guardian
Or a muse
Or a promise
Or a victim
Or a snack
You are a woman
Skin and bones
Veins and nerves
Hairs and sweat
You are not made of metaphors
Not apologies
Not excuses

If you grow up the type of women men want to hold
You can let them hold you
All day, they practice keeping their bodies up right
Even after all these evolving, it still feels unnatural
Still strains the muscles
Holds firm the arms and spine
Only some man will want to learn what it feels like to curl themselves into a question mark around you
Admit they do not have the answers they thought they would by now
Some man who want to hold you like the answer
You are not the answer
You are not the problem
You are not the poem
Or the punchline
Or the riddle
Or the joke

Women if you grow up the type men want to love
You can let them love you
Being loved is not the same thing as loving
When you fall in love
It is discovering the ocean after years of puddle jumping
It is realizing that you have hands
It is reaching for the tight rope when the crowds have all gone home

Do not spend time wondering if you are the type of women man will hurt
If he leaves you with a car-alarmed heart
You may learn to sing along
It is hard to stop loving the ocean 
Even after it has left you gasping, salty
So forgive yourself for the decisions you have made
The ones you still call mistakes
When you tuck them in at night
And know this
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours
Let the statues crumble
You have always been the place
You are a woman  who can build it yourself
You were born to build