You guys will not believe how many drafts I have for this blog at the moment. I know it seems like I have forgotten everything but no. I stumbled upon a few difficulties and I don't know how to bounce back from it and continue writing my Chapter 21 series. I just need to settle a lot of things that's going on at the moment and I will refine and publish those drafts. I am quite demotivated because the memories are not that fresh and my feelings and thoughts might not be as raw as my previous posts. I also have trouble putting it into words and into this blog. So it sometimes needs me to be in the right mood for it. Another problem I might encounter is when I am in the mood, I might choose to write my book instead of my blog. So that would delay the whole blog post publishing as well.

Plus, Chapter 21 has not ended yet. I have so many more to say about my journey into being 21 and I am still experiencing it, writing my own path and what not. It is on going. With that, I might be publishing things out of order though the archive would still be in order depending on when it happened and when I started writing them. So ya da ya da ya da. I don't know why I am explaining this to you. Maybe I am so frustrated seeing all these drafts and this long hiatus is KILLING me.

I don't know, I am sure I will get all of this arranged. It's so hard to maintain and commit to something, isn't it?

Sunday, January 10, 2016

In Trouble

You don't really know him/her, but you are bloody curious. And as your curiosity gets stronger, so does your fondness towards him/her. Answers to your questions is like a drug. An addiction. Draws you in as you uncover more and more. Worse part is you are ready for his/her downside, crazy side, any possible side that s/he is not showing but you don't know where you're going with everything you are facing. It feels like you are about to fall with the knowledge of no one there to catch you.

I am in huge trouble. My insecurities are getting worse. My overthinking drowns me. My feelings guilt trip me in every way possible. Why am I always affected by petty things. Guess it's no that petty because  I am sure it's not made up. It's not what I asked for. I didn't intend for it to happen. But it does.

I know the moment my heart skipped a beat, I was already dead.