You guys will not believe how many drafts I have for this blog at the moment. I know it seems like I have forgotten everything but no. I stumbled upon a few difficulties and I don't know how to bounce back from it and continue writing my Chapter 21 series. I just need to settle a lot of things that's going on at the moment and I will refine and publish those drafts. I am quite demotivated because the memories are not that fresh and my feelings and thoughts might not be as raw as my previous posts. I also have trouble putting it into words and into this blog. So it sometimes needs me to be in the right mood for it. Another problem I might encounter is when I am in the mood, I might choose to write my book instead of my blog. So that would delay the whole blog post publishing as well.


Plus, Chapter 21 has not ended yet. I have so many more to say about my journey into being 21 and I am still experiencing it, writing my own path and what not. It is on going. With that, I might be publishing things out of order though the archive would still be in order depending on when it happened and when I started writing them. So ya da ya da ya da. I don't know why I am explaining this to you. Maybe I am so frustrated seeing all these drafts and this long hiatus is KILLING me.


I don't know, I am sure I will get all of this arranged. It's so hard to maintain and commit to something, isn't it?

Friday, December 25, 2015

Addictive Feelings



Okay, I have been avoiding writing about this for a long time now. I know I would eventually, but I don't know, I feel (and thing that it is unfair) that it is quite childish to be talking about something that is actually a huge part in everyone's life and has been changing them too. People always say that there are bigger things in life than a certain feeling you get when you see someone you want to get romantically involved with. True but then, why does this topic time and time again affect many people in many ways?

A little back story, I recently have a crush on someone and so has my friend (who is a guy). Of course crushing would result to crazy things like stalking and trying to get that person's attention and contacting (though most times only as a friend) etc. One funny but useful thing about having a crush at the same time with this friend is that we exchange stories of our progress or failures and sharing YouTube videos of "How to Tell if Your Crush Likes You" to overthinking at a point that a video of "Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person" was also shared. Lol

Enough with the story, let's cut to the chase.

I want to get romantically involved with someone. But not just anyone, that's different. I don't know if it comes from a sense of readiness that I secretly feel or that I am bored and done of playing the same game. I am not fearful that I won't have a partner at the end of the day. I know that being alone is better than being with someone you are not happy with. We are talking about a life time commitment that has no way out so I know I should be thinking it through. And I am not that type of person that is easy for just anyone to live with especially with my strong personality, I may be a nightmare to be sharing a roof with. But I still feel a strong sense of longing to be with someone.

So I concluded that being in love is addictive. We are addicted to that feeling once we have felt it, and I had for a few times now. And they end up the same way, down in the dumps. In many situations (especially mine) with each heartbreak, a personality is morphed and we start again with a terrible memory of love. It is unfair but very understandable. But love is not to be blame. It is a natural feeling to acquire at one point of our life. If we see this in the eyes of science it has to do with mating and sense of security. Whatever it may be, it comes back to how we control that feeling, making sure it doesn't get out of hand and losing ourselves in the process of finding the one person that can accept you the same way you accept him/her.

I am in no position to be giving you survival guides on hows and don'ts because my love life is pretty messed up. Even if I can make a good sense out of my experience, there is no way you'd listen because that is just how it is. Love makes you think crazy things like "I am not good enough" or "It'd be different for me" or "No one understands my situation". Truth is everyone wants as many people to understand how it feels because they can't in any way imagine the same thing happening to others. That is how bad a failed relationship is. I remember the sound of my mom's voice when I called her after my first heartbreak. I remember the look on her face as tears streaming down my face. I could only imagined how she must have felt. She kept saying that she couldn't help much because she has little to no experience on this kind of stuff. She met my dad at a young age and though they faced challenges along the way, it's nothing like what I have been through. But I know when I see her eyes, she doesn't want me to get hurt. I also feel like that to friends who are dear to me that I don't want to see the same thing to happen them. Especially when I know they are in a bad relationship but they are denying it in the name of love. I know that I don't have the right to interfere so the only thing I can do is to be as warm as possible so that they won't avoid me when they need a shoulder to cry on with a feeling that I would say "I told you so". So I let them be unless they ask for my opinion, I'd tell them the truth but be as supportive as possible so they know that I'd catch them if they fall off course at one point. Love makes you stubborn *shrug*

So what's it for me now?

Honestly I really like my crush right now but am very self-conscious on what he thinks of me. I know he is not the type that would think about getting into a relationship (I think) and he is definitely single. So well, I'd just stay at the side, thinking and working on more important stuff, show small signs that I am interested but nothing crazy because I really am just focusing on the real romance. The most romantic gesture any man can do (this is cliche, I know, but what the heck) is asking my hand for marriage. And besides, nobody knows who they will end up with at the end of the day.

Monday, December 21, 2015

A Part Of Something Bigger : Introduction



In the midst of all those hectic things going on in our lives, let's take a break and get a little positivity going on around here. Get inspired and motivated in believing that no matter how crazy life is at the moment, we are always a part of something bigger!

For a start, I am doing this because I feel we put much stress on ourselves into things that only benefit us and we consume our thoughts with it until at one point we feel like that is life. Achieving things that has been set to our heads as important and at the end of the day.... we only learn how to survive instead of learning how to live.
Let's change that.
Let's do things that make us feel good about ourselves. Something that can also be good to others and be a contributor to making positive changes around the world. It doesn't have to be big. Because a small initiative goes a long way.

I also think that all lives matter. Those who are fortunate enough to get proper food on the table and those who have to beg, borrow or steal to survive. Those who has been oppressed their whole life and those who are have been oppressing people intentionally or not. People who are book smart or people who are street smart. Those that believe in this world or the next. Everyone. All lives matter and with compassion and empathy, we will realize that we are just different people with different backgrounds but we are all the same. One big family that should look out for each other.

Hence, I believe that we are a part of something bigger!

I want to start this by introducing The Global Goals.

On September 2015, world leaders agreed in committing to 17 goals that will help achieving the end of extreme poverty, inequality & injustice and to fix climate change by 2030. The 17 goals are as follows:

We the people have to work together or at least keep this in mind in things we do so that we are able to achieve this. We are the leaders of tomorrow and as much as you have heard this before, it is so important that all of us understand this because it is very true. We can tend to lose our way sometimes and be selfish and do thing that would only benefit us but I say it doesn't have to be that way. Start being altruistic because if the tables are turned, you would want people to make room in their life for you too.

I would love to call out to all youths to be a part of something bigger for the better of our nation. Don't just hope for politicians or the government to do something, for all of us are able to lead ourselves and to lead others. Always get inspired to always want to do more, inspire other people and think big. We the people are one big family of hope. The hope for a better future everyone :)

Here's a video to (hopefully) get you inspired today